I just got out of rehab and have to live with my mom until I get on my feet. She doesn’t understand that I need to go to meetings and groups for a while, and she wants me to do all these things for her around the house. I feel like I have to constantly make up for the mistakes I made in the past and for needing her now. My counselors talk about setting boundaries. But how do I set boundaries with someone I owe so much to? I feel like I can’t say No right now. Plus she’s paying for my gas and my cell phone.
Thank you for your letter. As you well know, the initial post-rehab period can be pretty brutal. Your brain been kicked around by drugs and alcohol and has more than a few ‘bruises,’ shall we we say. You are doing well, but you are still in the beginning period of healing up, which makes little things (like, say, simply keeping a daily schedule) feel more like climbing Mount Everest in a swimming suit. Nice job on the hard work so far, by the way. I hope that you have a box of dog treats somewhere, because you definitely deserve a Scooby snack.
While you’re at it, please give one to your mom. It sounds to me like your momma is doing you a real solid. You aren’t yet capable of taking care of your housing, your food, or providing yourself with a nice warm shower (I prefer a cold dip in the river, personally, but my human sure likes that hot bathtub), but she can. Your mom is handling a lot of your adulting for you right now, meaning she is carrying her load and yours. I don’t think she would do this for just anybody. Continue reading Fresh out of Rehab – Living at Home, Dealing with Guilt, and Confused about Boundaries